Oscar party employee's revelations

A staffer who worked the Vanity Fair Oscar party has written a tell-all email detailing his experience and observations of the evening. Excerpts as follows... (spelling mistakes and typos included)

"This is a recap of my Night with the Stars - Hollywood's most prestigious party - the Vanity Fair Post-Oscar party - the night that I get to put on my best dress, drink champagne, and rub elbows with celebrities - actually it was more like a sailor uniform that I had to wear and I pretty much was bumping into the elbows of celebrities while I was trying to 'serve' them champagne... But on with it..."

"Jennifer Anison was one of the first to arrive, sans Vince Vaughn - I think she's just as beautiful off screen as she is on. Her short little gay friend made me offer her a tuna tartar because he said she was 'stah-ving' but she refused. Looking back at her two minutes later, I see her wolfing down two slices of pizza... Go figure..."

"Reese Witherspoon is so damn cute - I actually caught her sticking her tongue out at her husband - another cutie, Ryan Philippe, who returned the gesture."

"Sienna Miller - miss MOD herself - came up to me while I was carrying my mini burgers and asked me with a serious but polite British tone if the burgers were from 'McDaw-noods.'"

"Michelle Williams, of Brokeback Mountain fame, brought to the party not only her hubby Heath Ledger (gorgeous!) but another fellow Dawson's Creek actress - the girl that played Audrey (Joie's roommate in college) - who looked completely uncomfortable and out of place - after all, does anyone even know that girl's real name?"

"We caught John Stewart leaving out the back entrance with 3 girls that looked maybe 17."

"Much shorter than I expected - DJ AM"
"Much prettier than I expected - Uma Thurman"
"Much cuter than I expected - Guy Richie"
"Much tanner than I expected - George Hamilton"
"Much more booty than I expected - Madonna"

"Sandra Bullock, Jesse James and Keanu Reeves - together ALL night"

"Suzanne Somers looks like an old, botoxed version of Nicole Richie"

"I overheard someone tell Vince Vaughn that his trailer was magnificent, 'a work of art' - I wonder if they were talking about Anchorman, Dodgeball or Zoolander..."

"I envisioned shoving an entire pizza down the throat of Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Richie - My god - I could almost see through them!"

"John Travolta's hair was absolutely horrendous - I seriously think it might have been painted on"

"That's all I can think of for now - This year was a bit different from previous years for 2 reasons - number 1, they actually cut the guest list by 500 people, so it was a lot more calm and relaxed, and number 2, I actually consumed much more alcohol at the party than I have in any of the previous years, so if my observations seem a bit dull, it is probably because from about 11:30 pm - 1am, the night became a little blurry - but I hope you enjoyed the email and I looked forward to sharing My Fifth Installment with you all next year..."

(Gawker)